DEATH AS A MYSTERY

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 April 7, 2022


What will you do when you know the exact time you’re gonna die?

Me?

A year before my death, I will try my best to spend time with people I love, and treat them nice. I know, sometimes I behave like an asshole to every person whom I love. Besides that, I will go to the salon every 3 months, get some spa day, and treat myself like I am my wife.

9 months before my death, travel to some cool places alone or with my significant other, family could join, and friends too. Go to a bar and dance like I know I’m gonna die soon, and this is the last time I’ll dance here. Re-watch 2 broke girls. And telling the truth about anything to everyone, something I’ve been hiding.

6 months before my death, just doing my regular day.

3 months before my death, resign from my job, and enjoy my day with things I’d never done before, like hiking, diving, winning an argument on the internet, doing nothing in the mountains without the internet and pieces of stuff.

1 month before my death, writing everything about my death, everything. So that, people can read and experience my life journey when I die.

1 week before death, walking. Just walk.

1 day before death, be alone, when you know that you’re gonna die tomorrow, it will shatter people around you and yourself if we spend time with them, so be alone.

I prefer death as a mystery. I don’t want to know when I’m gonna die. Let me be scared of death so that I will do better every day. I will tell you the truth, about anything, with no sugar coating, but still, do it nicely because I don’t wanna be an asshole. I don’t like your hat actually, but you can wear anything you want and forget about what people say, but still, I don’t like your hat. Something like that, but yeah it still sounds like an asshole.

I don’t say people who committed suicide as a crazy, and not close to God. They know what they’re gonna do. They have been thinking about the way to end their life. My friends, suicide is not the answer, believe me, sadness is just temporary, and so the happiness. We are in the same ocean, in different boats. and I do believe you’re the one who can control your boat to get through the waves, escape the storm and find the true light. As my boyfriend said, you’re the captain of your soul. Let’s find the true light, accepting every surprise in this life. Life is hard, and you’re strong and capable to get through it. Believe in yourself, that you can through it.

2 years ago I was committed suicide as well, yes I wanted to end life, yes I was scared of it. I had consumed 2 sleeping pills every day because I couldn’t sleep and was hoping to get over dossed. It wasn’t working. Under influence, I hurt myself with a sharp mirror pocket that I have, but then I realize I don’t want to die. I’m a savage bitch who wants to know about what other circumstances that I will handle. Truth is? If I died 2 years ago, I wouldn’t know that I will have fun with new friends, I wouldn’t know that I will work far from my hometown. I wouldn’t know that I will go to Bali again for free. Good surprises. There are also bad surprises, but when you know that you passed your lowest point of life (so far) everything seems easier to get through.

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